tummy aches, <3 aches & butterflies.

today ,

LEEESAA
so i was in the car. and for some reason, i couldn't stop thinking about leesa, i remember how close we used to be. and how she would tell me how much she loved me and missed me. i totally took her for granted but now she has a boyfriend and she doesn't even care about me anymore. its like bobby is her number one priority, D: what about her dear cousin? blah idk i miss being soo close to her. i miss her being all goofy and crazy with me. she always made me feel okay. i miss her so much. i wish i could turn back time and just hug her.
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anyways, today i wrote in my diary and yeahh, and now i'm listening to r&b music. i'm sooo freakin bored out of my mind. i talked to thomas today. haha :D its our 1 year and 2 months i think. haha he's probably my oldest child hood friend.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMGMG
yeah so lately my whole bodys been hurting ):
idk whats wrong with me.
gah i wanna go to the doctor.
i'm scared of having diseases or sicknesses i don't know about.

and dianes coming over tonight, D: shes gonna eat all my food but thats alright haha. .

MAN I NEED MORE TAMPONS i freakin love tampons
omg. stupid pads.
:D HAHA

yeah michael
" wtf?!"
hahah

grrr.
johnny
i get so mad sometimes chus i think about why i'm single.
maybe its chus i'm too picky and i need to lower my standards, i can't look for my perfect guy, but then if i didn't i'd feel like he wouldn't be good enough for me. i want a guy who won't fuck around with my heart. i'm so sick of getting hurt. i've been through so much my hearts about to fall out. but everything i've been through has made me soo much stronger. i'm so glad i met johnny because he was the only one who showed me what true love was. compared to the other guys, they meant nothing. fuck them LOL i miss johnny sometimes. i miss talking to you, i miss holding you. i know i'm over you, but sometimes i can't help but think about everything we've ever been through. i know you're totally over me. i know you dont love me anymore. but like i said, i'd always love you. i can;'t streess that enough, i wont ever get over my first love. chus my feelings will always be somewhere in my heart. i remember i cried everyday for you, and all you did was ignore me and talk to other girls, i wanted you back so much, i didnt care if you cheated on me or anything i just wanted you. i didn't want those 9 months to go down the drain, i didn't want to waste our 6 year friendship, chus you were everything i knew, and everything i learned, you made me who i am today. and i guess i have to thank you. but all guys turn into assholes after they're done with you. D: i know you used me you ass! i know ill always be better off without you, and im stronger without you, and i dont need you to make me happy.

you put me through so much shit, i can't even love anymore. and every guy i get, i end up hurting them. i been even called a player. D: not cool.

but some day, ill settle down, and look for another love greater.
rocky told me once

" find a greater love than your pain."

and i believe that.
the next guy i find, i'm gonna take my time, and not rush a minute.
i'm gonna keep it cool and steady.
and when i actually get him, i'll treat him like a king.
D: shoot i'll even clean and cook for him,
i wont bitch, unless its needed, i wont be jealous. i'd be the best girlfriend in the world.

i just need to find the right one,
i want a guy who has a beautiful smile,
a beautiful personality,
makes me laugh,
holds me when i'm cold,
:D brag about me
take cares of me,
love me,
call me just to talk, and text me everymorning.
and to be my best friend.
>:[ he better have good hygiene
oh and he has to be buff too LOL

and and, gangsterr, but not too much.
:D and a gentleman, someone i can bring home to my parents and they totally approve,
and someone faithful to my love.


dang i don't think i wanna stop typing. i just wanna keep going on and on to let all my feelings out. i'm sucha girl dammit! blahh my hearts hurting .
like its about to fall out of my ass or something
O_O" du maaaa. hahah.
i'm okay its not that bad
i'm happy.


gotta appreciate and cherish what i have.
OMG I ATE THE A BOMBASSSSSSSSS keylime pie today.
i played cookingmama the dirty version too.

i feel like taking a roadtrip,
somewhere along the beautiful country side.
somewhere.. quiet so i can think, where i can see all the fucken stars in the sky.

somewhere really really far away.
not in those creepy in the middle of no where places though.
ugh

oh yeah, im ungrounded, xP


LOLOLOL
yeah

i'm gonna go out more now, i miss air. hahah
ill finish this long blog later.

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todays my grandpas birthday too, so we went out bought a cake, so and so, conversations with family. yeahh, sigh i've been thinking of moving back to atlanta. idkkkk..

but hey my little brother got suspended for slappin a kid LOL
HAHAH
oh man i love him